Today it's hard to stop paying the price of fame

(The Times)


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Today it's hard to stop paying the price of fame = The Pope got paid for his scatty orated infamy!

(by Maurice Goddard)

Celine Dion pregnant with twins

(The Irish Independent)


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Celine Dion pregnant with twins = "Pliant, we end in christening two!"

(by Maurice Goddard)

Adventurer flies across Channel in helium filled balloons

(The Daily Telegraph)


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Adventurer flies across Channel in helium filled balloons = American daredevil, hell-bent on flashiness in full colours!

(by Maurice Goddard)

Woman sues airline for leaving her asleep in seat

(Yahoo! News)


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Woman sues airline for leaving her asleep in seat = Tale awes me as our heroine, a sniveling flier, naps

(by Donald Griffith)

Bill Clinton has evolved into Obama's Mr. Fix-It

(Washington Post)


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Bill Clinton has evolved into Obama's Mr. Fix-It = "I'm Monica's still vibrant, enviable, hot old fox!"

(by Maurice Goddard)

Malawi's President Pardons Gay Couple

(The New York Times)


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Malawi's President Pardons Gay Couple = As a grey mad relic, Pope snaps "I wouldn't!"

(by Maurice Goddard)

Sarah Palin Erects Fence To Keep New Neighbor Out

(The New York Times)


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Sarah Palin Erects Fence To Keep New Neighbor Out = A chicken run fort? People now see age's battier hen!

(by Maurice Goddard)

Brush teeth twice a day 'to prevent heart disease'

(The Daily Telegraph)


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Brush teeth twice a day 'to prevent heart disease' = Apt is thrice, and you've the sweetest breath, dear!

(by Maurice Goddard)

Berlusconi quotes Mussolini, laments lack of power

(Reuters)


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Berlusconi quotes Mussolini, laments lack of power = Moron's fascist! Bloke's an ill, queer, impetuous clown.

(by Maurice Goddard)

Olympic mascots Wenlock and Mandeville unveiled

(The Daily Telegraph)


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Olympic mascots Wenlock and Mandeville unveiled = Small, comic, undeveloped, and mentally sick, on view!

(by Maurice Goddard)

'American Idol': DeWyze wins, but Bowersox has more intriguing future

(Chicago Tribune)


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The new American Idol? = I'm certain Lee had won!

(by Adie Pena)

Inter-Korean crisis: Propaganda fight

(BBC News)


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Inter-Korean crisis = One certain risk, sir!

(by Aronas Pinchas)

Thai film pulls off Cannes shock

(BBC News)

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"Uncle Boonmee Who Can Recall His Past Lives" = Oh, as Cannes will love much one real best pic!

(by Adie Pena)

Dearborn's Miss Michigan wins Miss USA pageant

(Free Press)


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Dearborn's Miss Michigan wins Miss USA pageant = Smashing Arab American's swimsuit's posing end!

(by Maurice Goddard)

Palin says Obama would ban guns if he could

(AP)


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Palin says Obama would ban guns if he could = Ah! GOP woman's lunacy's fabulous, laid in bed!

(by Maurice Goddard)

Movie review: 'Robin Hood' is all over the Sherwood Forest

(Los Angeles Times)


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Movie review: 'Robin Hood' is all over the Sherwood Forest = O! Emotions! The devilish arrow-bow hero is forever loved!

(by Maurice Goddard)

Man Fights For Life After Slug-Eating Stunt

(Yahoo! News)


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Man Fights For Life After Slug-Eating Stunt = Limit that fatal 'n' effing gross 'fun' gesture

(by Chris Sturdy)

With food allergies, much is said but little is known, conclude researchers

(Los Angeles Times)


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With food allergies, much is said but little is known, conclude researchers = In wildest theories, crude soluble chemical filth and sugar in Coke's worst!

(by Maurice Goddard)

Pope Benedict says giant Mass at Fatima shrine

(BBC News)


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Pope Benedict says giant Mass at Fatima shrine = Sin erased, Pope beams: "My giant hat is fantastic!"

(by Maurice Goddard)

Gordon Brown lives for others - we will not see his like again

(The Daily Mirror)


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Gordon Brown lives for others - we will not see his like again = Hi! In retiring now, berserk fellow avoids the gallows' noose!

(by Maurice Goddard)

Ten Ways Christians Tend to Fail at Being Christian

(Huffington Post)


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Ten ways Christians tend to fail at being Christian = Real cynic: "And wait -- that's in fingers. It isn't toes. Bah!"

(by Jeffrey Barnes)

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Ten Ways Christians Tend to Fail at Being Christian = Against Catholic Father sinners in twenty, it is bad!

(by Maurice Goddard)

The Greek debt crisis

(CBS MoneyWatch)


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The Greek debt crisis = Detect big risks here

(by Adie Pena)

TV bad for kids' intelligence, scientists say

(IOL)


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TV bad for kids' intelligence, scientists say = Sky's evil is detected; It clogs infant brains!

(by Maurice Goddard)

Can You Really Die in Your Nightmares?

(Yahoo! News)


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Can you teally die in your nightmares? = Your acutely rising adrenaline? Oh my!

(by Dharam Khalsa)

Coverage of Britain's uncertain election results

(World Editors Forum)


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Britain's Two-Thousand-and-Ten General Election. = No one celebrating? No; it's a result I hadn't wanted.

(by Tony Crafter)

Art official: painting in storage may be Raphael's

(Yahoo! News)


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Art official: painting in storage may be Raphael's = Oh, again may also be a replica. Fingerprint it...fast!

(by Dharam Khalsa)

Eager Beavers Build Dam Spotted From Space

(Yahoo! News)


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Eager Beavers Build Dam Spotted From Space = Vast fabricated dream pool submerges deep!

(by Maurice Goddard)

Newton's apple tree bound for gravity-free orbit

(Yahoo! News)


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Newton's apple tree bound for gravity-free orbit = Fortunate sprig of proverbial tree went 'beyond'

(by Dharam Khalsa)

Pesky bear seen hanging around Santa Fe

(Las Cruces Sun-News)


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Pesky bear seen hanging around Santa Fe = See sneaky hand in open garbage? Run fast!


Pesky bear seen hanging around Santa Fe = He noses any unfastened garbage in park

(by Dharam Khalsa)

Pesky bear seen hanging around Santa Fe = See up! Frightened Yanks go near bananas!

(by Maurice Goddard)

Chemicals used to fight Gulf oil slick a trade-off

(AP)


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Chemicals used to fight Gulf oil slick a trade-off = Go hide all the surface stuff mid-float? Sick logic!

(by Dharam Khalsa)

What is the Tea Party all about? Depends on where you live.

(Christian Science Monitor)


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What is the Tea Party all about? Depends on where you live. = The loud, weepy wet Sarah Palin, voted it her beauty salon.

(by Maurice Goddard)

A Faded Relic of Christendom Reappears

(The New York Times)


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A Faded Relic of Christendom Reappears = Pope's rather faded as a confirmed relic?!

(by Maurice Goddard)

Misunderestimated? George W. Bush to admit 'flaws and mistakes' for the first time in 'Decision Points' memoir

(Newsvine)


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Misunderestimated? George W. Bush to admit 'flaws and mistakes' for the first time in 'Decision Points' memoir = "Me? I'm Mr Me! Merits? I was Washington Administration's stupider, bigmouthed, toffee-nosed, reckless, fat idiot!"

(by Maurice Goddard)

Obese kids more apt to be bullied, study confirms

(Reuters)


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Obese kids more apt to be bullied, study confirms = Born stupid, sick dummy beer-bellied fatsoes too!

(by Maurice Goddard)

Obama: Oil spill may be 'unprecedented disaster'

(Free Press)


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Obama: Oil spill may be 'unprecedented disaster' = Lamentably, America disposed in deep troubles

(by Aronas Pinchas)

More trouble rains down on Britain's Brown

(The San Francisco Chronicle)


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More trouble rains down on Britain's Brown = Labour nit Brown drowns in 'Retire man!' boos

(by Maurice Goddard)

Halliburton in spotlight in gulf spill probe

(Los Angeles Times)


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Halliburton in spotlight in gulf spill probe = Thus, bring a split bill for helping pollution!

(by Dharam Khalsa)

Naked volunteers pay homage to LS Lowry

(The Daily Telegraph)

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Naked volunteers pay homage to LS Lowry = Same low orgy level, Yank's nude photo-art.

(by Maurice Goddard)

British Paper Drops Labour Backing

(The New York Times)

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British Paper Drops Labour Backing = Drop a gibberish brat. Nick's popular!

(by Maurice Goddard)