Iceland volcano prompts evacuations

(Al Jazeera)

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Iceland volcano prompts evacuations = Lava crops panic. Cold EU state movin' on

(by Aronas Pinchas)

Enter Emeril's Mother's Day Breakfast in Bed Contest!

(ABC News)

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Enter Emeril's Mother's Day Breakfast in Bed Contest! = Best tinned farm milk + cheeses on toast + red berry tea!

(by Maurice Goddard)

Soham murderer Ian Huntley's throat is slashed in attack by fellow inmate

(Daily Mail)

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Ian Huntley's throat is slashed by a fellow inmate = What all in Soham then say: ""Definitely a result! S.O.B.!"

(by David Bourke)

Irish victims disappointed by pope abuse letter

(Washington Post)

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Irish victims disappointed by pope abuse letter = Benedict's a bit vapid reply to impious priests, eh

(by Aronas Pinchas)

Obese mothers-to-be pose problems

(Yahoo! News)

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NHS maternity units are struggling to cope with the growing number of obese pregnant women. = Grunting orgasms now! One terrific plump twenty-nine stone mother-to-be, was bigger than huge!

(by Maurice Goddard)

British Airways cabin crew strike begins

(The Guardian)

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The British Airways cabin crew have gone on strike. = Their hare-brain wish being to wreck vacations? Yes.

(by Tony Crafter)

British Airways Strike Begins

(The New York Times)

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British Airways goes on strike = O, it's a big war in the sorry skies!

(by Adie Pena)

Opposition 'Day of Anger' in Russia

(Yahoo! News)

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Opposition 'Day of Anger' in Russia = Noisy agonies! Poor Putin's afraid?

(by Maurice Goddard)

Lady Gaga Is Sued

(The New York Times)

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Lady Gaga Is Sued = Gal's ad guy's idea?

(by Aronas Pinchas)

Jessica Simpson investigates standards of beauty

(NewsOK)

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Jessica Simpson investigates standards of beauty = "Stage joy paid fast, as I'd ban Miss Universe contests!"

(by Maurice Goddard)